Happy New Year, Everyone!
I can't believe we're already in January. Time is flying. I'm nearly 32 weeks pregnant. Bella was born two weeks early, which means this baby could be here in a little over six weeks if things are at all similar to my last pregnancy. Can you say "SCARY"?!!
With the last pregnancy, I wasn't nervous at all about the prospect of having a baby. I was thrilled. I was prepared, and when Bella was born, it just felt like a natural transition. This time, though, I'm petrified. Trying to get both babies to sleep on my own, being by myself most of the time with two little ones, not having a car and being stuck outside of the city... These are all daunting challenges that lie ahead. What's really been on my mind, however, is how is my little Baby Bella going to handle all of this and will I be as good of a mom to Baby #2 as I am to Bella? I spend most of my time with my little girl. She is my world. She is my life. How will she take it when I have to divide my attention between her and another little person?
Will she feel betrayed? Will it hurt her little heart? Will she throw more fits? Will she withdraw, or maybe she'll just want to be my little helper and fall in love with her sister at first glance (I hope I hope I hope). Then I worry about Baby #2. I know I won't be able to give her nearly as much attention as I have given Bella, and I know she will be fine, but what really boggles my mind is how am I going to love anything as much as I love Bella? 
How is that humanely possible? I know it is. I know parents love all of their children equally (or at least, that's what I've been lead to believe, even though I know I'm my mom's favorite ;-)), but it's just unimaginable for me.
So, for those of you that have already been gone through this situation, how did you get through it and do you have any tips for making the transition easier on the first born and on a really sensitive mommy? I know we'll get through this, but I have to admit that the entire thing is a big mystery to me - one that will only make sense after it all transpires.
12 comments:
I remember feeling EXACTLY the same way. And you know what? It's not as hard/scary a I anticipated. I think learning to be a parent the first time around was more challenging than adding another kid to the fam.
So far, Apollo has been an ANGEL with the baby (knock on wood). The only anger he felt, thankfully, was directed at me, not the baby, and his tantrums have been minor and typical for his age. Thank goodness for Cameron, because having him around at the end of the day lets us both get one one one time with each of the kids.
I think the biggest reason it is easier is that Sunny is so much more mellow than Apollo was as a baby, and I am way more mellow too because I know what I'm doing. I might feel differently if I had Apollo second and sunny first, since Apollo was so colicky and is such a spirited child. I had already settled into the role of mother when Sunny was born, so in some ways there was less adjusting. Also, I forgot how much newborns sleep. Sure, they only sleep for two-hour stretches, but they are asleep half the time during the day, too, which makes it easy when you are use to a toddler who hates nap time. Just get a good moby wrap and you'll have two hands for Bella when she needs you. Don't worry. Try to make the most of these last few weeks with just Bella. Read her books about babies and make sure she knows that babies cry a lot and need milk, etc, etc. I think it was good to prepare Apollo with that kind of stuff. I think it will be easier than you think- it was for me.
Tyler and I were just talking about this stuff the other. He asked me "Is your sister having her new little baby soon?" Then we started talking about how much work that would be and Tyler said that's it we're just having one. I think everyone feels like you do. But we all have siblings and none of us feel slighted by our parents. If anything I feel so blessed to have so many brothers and sisters to know and love. I feel like my life is so rich and full of love and I know Bella will too. There is nothing like having a sister and I'm excited for Bella to have this bond. You're going to do great just be you.
P.S. I hear it's easier when they're big because they entertain eachother. :)
here is my mom's advice that she tells me on a near daily occurrence... "take it one day at a time"
It is hard at first but Sarah you will do great and it does get easier - I love watching my kiddos interact and big brother try to wrestle (okay not quite ready for that) with Ravi.
I think the seconds ... learn to go with whatever happens, they will know nothing else (can you say , mobi wrap, then gouda is always next to you while you can tend to bella) Bella may have a hard time initially but think how great it will be having these 2 girls so close that they are the bestest of friends... though you may be pulling your hair out in their teen years.
Best of luck, you will do great!
Oh! I love you all!! Thank you so much for all the tips and the encouragement, and for taking the time to leave me nice long messages. You are all AWESOME!! THANK YOU!!!
I love having two kids. I think they like having each other so they can team up on me, have somebody to complain about mom to, and keep each other company.
One of the things I did for Jacob when Ashlynn was a baby was to keep books near me when I was feeding her so that I could read them to him while I was feeding her.
It really was amazing at how fast Jacob adjusted to having Ashlynn around. I bet that Bella adjusts just as quickly.
I can't even imagine all the work it takes to care for one baby let alone two...so maybe its all relative.
Since we tend to be so similar, and all, I'm sure you are way more on top of this transition than you think. Change is always scary, but once it happens you won't be able to imagine life being any different. I hope your last 6-8 weeks are full of love, health and happiness.
Sarah, you will be a great mother of two! I remember when I was pregnant and thinking how will I ever do all this AND take care of a baby? Now, I have no idea what I was doing with all that time anyway. Somehow, you just do it, and you'll do it wonderully!
Ok, first of all, I love that pink coat of Bella's and that hat you knit is ADORABLE!
I could probably write you a book on this topic, just from my own experiences/perspective. That said, I agree with all of your lovely friends in that you WILL do an absolutely wonderful job, and knowing that you recently read that awesome book, I know I can tell you to encourage yourself, and know that you are in control! ;) Also, reading a lot to Bella on becoming a big sister would be great, even if it's a book you quickly write yourself that puts her in it.
Oh and newborns DO sleep a lot! And you WILL ADORE this new sweetie, you absolutely have it in you to love both of your girls SO much. Though you might want to inform your husband he'll likely be the one a little left out...;) That said, he and his family and everyone else around to help with Bella will be invaluable to give her extra attention. Though really I think it's great when you make an extra effort to pass the baby off and spend extra time with Bella, cause that's what she'll want the most.
Q was lucky enough to have some practice with being a big bro as I took care of another baby when I was preggers with H. And when H was born he was if anything too sweet with her. And now, H makes him laugh every day in a way that warms my heart to the core, and she idolizes him SO much. They will be playmates and pals for life and I know that your girls will be too!
Ok, so, I said I could write a book right! I'm sure I'll more to say on the topic later...;)
Wow, it's all been said and said beautifully...
You are all so wonderful! I am feeling a little more at ease. Thank you!!!!
Having two kids is exponentially more delightful, rewarding, challenging, wondrous and amazing as having one! Yes, Gavin got more attention from me but he didn't get ANY attention from a sibling. Adalay is showered with attention from G. Gavin adores Adalay and I am still waiting for him to get mad about her showing up. Sarah, the first couple weeks will be rough but you will figure things out just like you did with Bella! And then you wont be able to imagine life any differently!
And your second will steal your heart just like your first! Believe me, you will have WAY more love to give!!
I agree with all those who have shared their thoughts so beautifully, you will be the best best bestest mommy of two!! Love you sweetie!
Post a Comment