Finally one day I stumbled across the book "The Aware Baby" by Aletha J. Solter. She promotes letting your baby cry... just not CRY IT OUT. She claims that crying is a completely natural and useful function; a stress-releasing mechanism. There has even been research done which affirms that tears contain stress-related chemicals. Of course I was a bit leery at first, but she proposes that instead of nursing your baby to sleep every night, which is basically just a crutch, (She thinks nursing is often used to distract from the need to cry. I'm not so sure I agree with all of her claims, but many of them make a lot of sense.) she suggests holding your baby and just letting her cry. Let her cry while you hold her and love her and let her know that you are there for her, and in doing so , you are showing her that crying is ok and allowing her to get out all of that built up frustration and stress.
One night after Bella had eaten but hadn't fallen asleep yet, she went in for a night cap, but I cut her off. She WAS NOT HAPPY. She cried and flailed, and kicked and screamed for almost one hour. I held her and patted her and keep saying, "that's right. Just let it all out. Just let it out." And she did. It was amazing because instead of me feeling the need to get her to be quiet and stop her crying, which usually stresses me out, I was relaxed and able to listen to her cries without feeling like a terrible mother. When she was done with her fit, she fell asleep and slept for a five hour stretch!!! What's more, the next day, Alex tried to put her down (this is something that NEVER happens because she will only nurse to sleep) and she cried for a few minutes, but then fell asleep in his arms!!
Since then she has been sleeping for seven hour stretches, falling asleep without nursing or very much crying, and letting Alex put her down for naps as well. I am completely amazed! Oh, and on top of that, she has been in a much better mood! This book made me think about how relaxed I feel after a good cry, and how sometimes, the only thing I know that will make me feel better is letting it all out threw my tears. When I realized this, it just made sense that babies too need to cry.
If you are interested in her research, I would highly recommend reading the book. I felt she made some very large leaps of logic every now and then and sometimes cited studies that were far from scientific, but for the most part, I believe she is really on to something. She does emphasize that crying is a baby's way of communicating a need, so before just letting your baby cry, you must first figure out if there is another need that is not being met. There are many times, though, that babies cry and we have no idea why. This is when she suggests holding them close and telling them that you love them, and that it is ok to cry.
I was always so jealous of those stories of moms who had found the "miracle cure" to their baby's sleep problems, and I figured I would just have to wait it out. I am so relieved that I am able to be here, typing this and I know that I'm not going to be interrupted over and over again until I finally surrender and take Bella to bed. Yay for Dr. Solter!! Yay for crying!! Yay for a back that isn't killing me anymore!!
