Before I was a Mom

Looking back at my pre-mommy self, I find some parts hard to recognize. I have done so many things differently than I thought I would. I suppose I was quite ignorant about being a parent before becoming one, at least about all tricky bits like how hard bedtime can be and that teething and colds can turn your sweet little angel child into a relentless terror and that when a child is willful, your way may not always be the ONLY way. I remember looking at some parenting techniques and thinking "Jeez! That's crazy. I'd NEVER do that." I imagined myself stricter and sterner than I'm turning out to be. I imagined I'd be tougher. I imagined my children would all turn out to be little saints. Isn't that a laugh?!

Bella giving me kisses

I remember when I was at Tammy's pre-wedding party, pregnant and chatting with the girls, I said something really negative and snotty about co-sleeping, about how I wouldn't be caught dead with my baby in my bed. Two years later, I can't imagine not sleeping with Bella, and am aching inside at the prospect of moving her into her own bed. It has been such a bonding experience for us. Sometimes in the middle of the night, she wakes up and makes a "mmmmmm" sound and puckers her lips - the cue for me to give her a kiss. She also loves to rub my arms and sometimes she hugs them. When she wakes up she is always so happy, she gets up and brings me my shoes and tries to put them on my feet, which immediately gives me the energy I need to get out of bed.

Bella running around at the airport without pants on (she threw up on her dress and we had packed all her clothes)

It's amazing just how much being a mother has changed me. It's changed the way I look at life. It's certainly changed my emotional breakdown threshold (I seem to cry at everything these days). Most importantly, though, it's changed the way I think. I used to see things in black and white. If I didn't understand something, I'd write it off as "strange" or "crazy" and sometimes even "wrong". Take, for example, my initial judgment of Waldorf education... When I was teaching kindergarten In Pacific Grove, Ca, we shared our campus with a Waldorf school. I thought they were a bunch of wackos who irresponsibly let the children play all day long in an unstructured environment, and wouldn't allow them to read until they were in the second grade. It just seemed wrong and against everything that I'd been taught. It wasn't until I started looking into natural toys as an alternative to all the plastic crap that breaks in two seconds these days, that I came across Waldorf again, and this time I fell in love with certain facets of the philosophy.

In a small village in Mallorca for our anniversary.

Now after changing my opinion about so many aspects of parenting and child rearing, I no longer see things so clearly. I have, however, dedicated myself to learning as much as possible during this lifetime. When I don't understand why someone chooses a certain strategy which seems weird to me, I try to learn more about it. Maybe I won't choose the same things, but at least I will understand the reasoning behind them and I'll be able to accept most things without having to label them as "right" and "wrong".

I think that's what they call "tolerance", isn't it? Boy, I really feel like I'm growing. ;-)