Happy 60th, Mom!!!

It’s my mom’s birthday today. She’s 60. That’s a lot of years old! My mom likes to tell me that we are polar opposites. In fact, she never misses a chance to remind me of this every time we disagree. She’s right. We are different in many ways, especially when it comes to things like politics and our worldviews. I guess it’s always bothered me a little, though, because, despite our differences, I think I’m a lot like my mom, and more importantly, in the many ways that I’m not, I want to be like her, especially as a mother. I sincerely hope I can be.

As a kid I thought the world of my mom. She was in the realm of superheroes. She was fun and funny. She sang a lot, and smiled all the time and hugged us every chance she got.
As teenagers, my mom knew how to play it cool. She always gave us space to make our own decisions and do our own thing, but the second we needed her, we were her entire world, and nothing else mattered. It all could wait.

As an adult, my mom became more than a mom. She became my friend.

There are many things you realize about yourself once you become a mother, especially the way you treated yours when you were a teenager! (Sorry Mom!) I constantly think of all the things I want to teach Arabella and how I want to instil in her deep moral values, above all kindness to all things, and, of course, an insatiable love of life. I imagine the person she’ll become one day… and then I think about how I turned out. It makes me wonder about all of the things my mom imagined for me. I bet she rocked me and while she touched my little fingers and held my unwavering gaze, she imagined greatness for me. I bet never in a million years she imagined that we’d turn out to be “polar opposites”! It’s something I think of quite often these days that I could never really fathom before. How difficult it must be to love someone so much, it actually hurts your heart just to imagine losing her, and then have her grow up challenging you, disagreeing with you, and doing things completely differently than the way you would do them. What I still don’t understand, and have years to find out, is how you manage to do this with grace and love. When your daughter does something that completely baffles you (which my poor mom has had to endure A LOT of) and what you really want to do is scream and yell, “HOW COULD YOU TURN OUT THIS WAY??!!” you are supportive and helpful and try to be as understanding as possible. If to my horror, Arabella comes home one day, following in her Tia Irene’s footsteps with a habit, a bible and a crucifix, I hope I can be as considerate and gentle as my mom is, and support her despite my reservations. To me, that is true greatness and pure love.

My mom has had to fight for her life more than once to remain a part of ours. Every time something happens in my life, be it glory or defeat, elation or devastation, I call my mom. Even when I know that she will think I’m crazy for the decision I’m about to make I call her. Even when I know I’ll undoubtedly hear the famous, “ well… we are very different, Sarah…” I have to share the news with her. I’m so thankful she fought so hard to be here. It’s funny how you never really stop needing your mom.

Mom, if you are reading this, I want you to know that I wish I could be there to spend this momentous occasion with you. I love you very much and hope you know how amazing I think you are, especially as a mom (I mean, look how incredible I turned out!). Happy 60th Birthday, Mom! You can bet I’ll be asking you for A LOT of advice during those teenage years! YIKES! Here’s to another 60!!!

Home SWEET Home!

Well, as the song goes, "you don't always get what you want... but if you try sometimes, you just might find . . . you get what you need." And rightly so. No, we aren't making the big move that we were hoping to make, but we are making a much needed smaller move in the meantime. We are getting out of the busy city, away from the constant horn honking and the endless construction projects that seem to take place all around our apartment. We are moving to a beautiful sounding little residential area outside of the city called "Terramelar". Isn't that pretty??


These are some pictures I've taken. I haven't got any of the bedrooms, or any outside pics, but I will soon. I'll also get some with the furniture as soon as we get moved in. We are hiring a moving company to move all our appliances and furniture on Monday so we won't have to haul everything down four flights of stairs.
We are moving away from the seventy-five steps that lead to our current fourth story apartment to the three teeny tiny porch steps that lead to our new three story house - a house with hardwood floors, a good-sized balcony upstairs and a charming little terrace out back that catches the morning and early afternoon sun and that opens up to a little community grassy area complete with pool!! Oh my oh my oh my! I can hardly contain my excitement. (For those of you worrywarts, relax. We are baby-proofing to the MAX)I'm just stoked to be able to have an outdoor area that I don't have to share with the rest of the human race. I can't wait for sitting outside and drinking a glass of wine on a hot Valencia summer night... oh and bbqs! and making our own paella! And letting Bella play outside and start getting used to nature (it kind of freaks her out a bit). This Vashon girl couldn't bear it if her daughter grew up afraid of dirt and bugs and all the rest of nature's goodies.So, Mr. Jagger, I'll have to agree with your affirmation. This time we may not have got EXACTLY what we wanted, but I'd have to say that I'm happy to make do with what we got. Plus, now all of you can come visit us!! I'll keep an extra bottle of wine on hand and a bag of charcoal JUST IN CASE! ;-)

Hallelujah!

Like many mothers, I have struggled between the two extremes of letting your baby "cry it out" and letting your baby keep you up all night. It has been rough. Those of you who know me well are aware that I would rather wake up every 30 minutes than leave my baby to cry it out by herself. I've read the books, I've researched it, I've tried different strategies, but up until now, Bella woke up almost every two to three hours to nurse. It wasn't very disruptive. She'd wake up, moan a bit and then I'd nurse her and we'd both fall asleep like that. That's the beauty of bed sharing. The problem was, though, that it was killing my back to fall asleep that way!!

Finally one day I stumbled across the book "The Aware Baby" by Aletha J. Solter. She promotes letting your baby cry... just not CRY IT OUT. She claims that crying is a completely natural and useful function; a stress-releasing mechanism. There has even been research done which affirms that tears contain stress-related chemicals. Of course I was a bit leery at first, but she proposes that instead of nursing your baby to sleep every night, which is basically just a crutch, (She thinks nursing is often used to distract from the need to cry. I'm not so sure I agree with all of her claims, but many of them make a lot of sense.) she suggests holding your baby and just letting her cry. Let her cry while you hold her and love her and let her know that you are there for her, and in doing so , you are showing her that crying is ok and allowing her to get out all of that built up frustration and stress.

One night after Bella had eaten but hadn't fallen asleep yet, she went in for a night cap, but I cut her off. She WAS NOT HAPPY. She cried and flailed, and kicked and screamed for almost one hour. I held her and patted her and keep saying, "that's right. Just let it all out. Just let it out." And she did. It was amazing because instead of me feeling the need to get her to be quiet and stop her crying, which usually stresses me out, I was relaxed and able to listen to her cries without feeling like a terrible mother. When she was done with her fit, she fell asleep and slept for a five hour stretch!!! What's more, the next day, Alex tried to put her down (this is something that NEVER happens because she will only nurse to sleep) and she cried for a few minutes, but then fell asleep in his arms!!

Since then she has been sleeping for seven hour stretches, falling asleep without nursing or very much crying, and letting Alex put her down for naps as well. I am completely amazed! Oh, and on top of that, she has been in a much better mood! This book made me think about how relaxed I feel after a good cry, and how sometimes, the only thing I know that will make me feel better is letting it all out threw my tears. When I realized this, it just made sense that babies too need to cry.

If you are interested in her research, I would highly recommend reading the book. I felt she made some very large leaps of logic every now and then and sometimes cited studies that were far from scientific, but for the most part, I believe she is really on to something. She does emphasize that crying is a baby's way of communicating a need, so before just letting your baby cry, you must first figure out if there is another need that is not being met. There are many times, though, that babies cry and we have no idea why. This is when she suggests holding them close and telling them that you love them, and that it is ok to cry.

I was always so jealous of those stories of moms who had found the "miracle cure" to their baby's sleep problems, and I figured I would just have to wait it out. I am so relieved that I am able to be here, typing this and I know that I'm not going to be interrupted over and over again until I finally surrender and take Bella to bed. Yay for Dr. Solter!! Yay for crying!! Yay for a back that isn't killing me anymore!!